Post by Untitled on Sept 15, 2003 5:54:25 GMT -5
CLAYRE SWEENEY MARRIES HORSE ON ATKINS DIET!!!
Today, rumours speculated that talentless singer and actress, Clayre Sweeny, did indeed marry a Horse who has been follwing the Atkins diet for several weeks.
These rumours are thought to have been spread from the vicar who claims to have married the two in Wemyss bay & Skermorlie local Parish Church.
Townsfolk today were gobsmacked to learn that the ex-Page 3 beauty, who recently admitted to having her breasts implanted with crab meat, had married a local horse from Ardgowan riding centre.
"im flabbergasted", one witness said.
One of the local townsfolk, Miss Moira Paris*, was reported to have caught the bouquet thrown by Clayre, as she and her new husband boared her Private Nissan Cherry, heading towards their honeymoon destination, the Cloch Caravan Park in Gourock. They did not stop for papparazzi, but were reported to have visited the Seaview Cafe with Clayres family after the ceremony, for a fish tea, and some cans of Dandelion and Burdock.
Noone from the Seaview Cafe remembers a horse being on the premises, nor can they remember her husband (also a horse) being there either. Sadly, noone was available for comment at time of publishing.
It is thought Claire married the horse, as she was carrying his illegitimate children, as a result of a FOUR YEAR affair, while she was married to The Prince Of Wales. The affair was revealed last year in a down market tabloid, after one of Claires 6 fans caught her ON TOP of the horse inside a STABLE. Claire, as reported at the time, was in ecstacy. A spokesman for the Prince advised us that he did not know of any such marriage, and that if we persisted to call, he would summon the Police. Noone else was available to comment.
A woman who we met on the street in Ashton Under Lyme, who claimed to be Clayres PA, advised us that Clayre is in fact expecting foals in the beginning of next spring.
Clayre herself was not available to comment.
*name changed to protect identity
Today, rumours speculated that talentless singer and actress, Clayre Sweeny, did indeed marry a Horse who has been follwing the Atkins diet for several weeks.
These rumours are thought to have been spread from the vicar who claims to have married the two in Wemyss bay & Skermorlie local Parish Church.
Townsfolk today were gobsmacked to learn that the ex-Page 3 beauty, who recently admitted to having her breasts implanted with crab meat, had married a local horse from Ardgowan riding centre.
"im flabbergasted", one witness said.
One of the local townsfolk, Miss Moira Paris*, was reported to have caught the bouquet thrown by Clayre, as she and her new husband boared her Private Nissan Cherry, heading towards their honeymoon destination, the Cloch Caravan Park in Gourock. They did not stop for papparazzi, but were reported to have visited the Seaview Cafe with Clayres family after the ceremony, for a fish tea, and some cans of Dandelion and Burdock.
Noone from the Seaview Cafe remembers a horse being on the premises, nor can they remember her husband (also a horse) being there either. Sadly, noone was available for comment at time of publishing.
It is thought Claire married the horse, as she was carrying his illegitimate children, as a result of a FOUR YEAR affair, while she was married to The Prince Of Wales. The affair was revealed last year in a down market tabloid, after one of Claires 6 fans caught her ON TOP of the horse inside a STABLE. Claire, as reported at the time, was in ecstacy. A spokesman for the Prince advised us that he did not know of any such marriage, and that if we persisted to call, he would summon the Police. Noone else was available to comment.
A woman who we met on the street in Ashton Under Lyme, who claimed to be Clayres PA, advised us that Clayre is in fact expecting foals in the beginning of next spring.
Clayre herself was not available to comment.
*name changed to protect identity
